Season Four Retrospective (Take One)

Season 4 is "different". It has deviated from character interaction to random silly gags and pop culture references, Twilight has gained nothing from being a princess, and, I'm just going to come out and say it, this season sucks.

Even Moron "Daring Don't"

The whole episode makes no sense.

When Twilight had the ring why didn't she teleport far away, why did she only teleport five feet? And she didn't just teleport five feet, she teleported five feet to directly in front of the unguarded exit door. And she didn't just teleport five feet to directly in front of the unguarded exit door, she teleported five feet to directly in front of the unguarded exit door and then DID NOT GO THROUGH IT.

And there was no ceiling in the room with all the rings and FOUR ponies who could fly and none of them were bad guys. Why didn't Fluttershy or Twilight or Dash and her pallet swap fly the rings out of the temple?

And why is it that the one ring everypony keeps tossing around like it's weightless but all the others on the alter weigh a ton each?

And if Daring Do just destroyed the ring at the end once the temple fell apart, why the hell didn't she just destroy it in the very beginning instead of go through all that convoluted nonsense about hiding it in her cottage where everyone would go to look for it first? If she destroyed it at the end why didn't she let it stay in the fire to melt? Nopony else was going to get it, she got it out herself with her whip.

"I had to find a way to get into the fortress."

No, Daring Do, you didn't. You could have destroyed the ring you had and then what's his name could NEVER have completed his plan of unleashing 800 years of heat on that stupid valley nopony else cares about.

What the hell was the point of this whole episode? There were over 9,000(!) super easy solutions to end the story at any moment, making all that crap they went through unnecessary, but they did it anyway because "waiting until the last second to stop the end of the world is that much more exciting!" or something.

Powerless Ponies

Headcanon established: this is EXACTLY what happened in "Daring Don't". They were sucked into a book (with emphasis on the sucked part) and Daring Do is still fictional. Perfect.

Rarity and Pinkie Pie were nice, Spike learnes the same crap for the millionth time (really, how insecure can he be after all these episodes that focus on how important he is?), there were a few funny throwaway jokes, and the rest was just boring.

Flutter Hulk is a huge letdown after all the hype with that contrived bit at the end. It was like a bad parody of "Dragonshy" really, only there she got angry when her friends were beat up, now she didn't give a shit about her friends and a stupid bug was randomly thrown in for no reason other than to save her transformation for the end. All it really does is make her look like a bigger jerk than in "Putting Your Hoof Down".

There really is nothing memorable about this episode at all. It could vanish from reality and it would have no effect ("Daring Don't" vanishing from reality would cause real unicorns to be born and world peace to be established forever as it is still the worst episode ever, now and forever into the future, no matter how many seasons the show gets). The whole episode screams "laziness!"

This is the first time a season has disapointed me. I actually feel bad for disliking so many episodes, like I've become a jaded cynic or something. The first episode introduces what appears to be a major theme - that key box - just like the major theme of the first season was getting to the Grand Galoping Gala, and there were references to it in every other episode, but in this season the key box is just dropped totally for a string of bullshit episodes that are like bad fanfic. I can't help feeling like the writers will do an asspull at the end and solve everything in a super rushed manner like they tend to do, only worse because if they don't mention the keys soon NOTHING they could possibly do could fit into a good single or even double episode finale. It will be doomed to suck.

For the first time since I started watching almost three years ago I am not looking forward to next week's episode.

40/100 for "Power Ponies"

More On Daring Don't

Tommy Oliver (aka BronyCurious) pretty much sums up how I feel about this episode in four minutes.

Daring Don't, Please, Just Don't

Wow. Dave Polski wrote another episode I dislike. It's like some kind of superpower, but a bad one. Will this be the worst episode of season 4? I sure hope so, because I don't think I could dislike an episode more (this is probably even worse than Over a Barrel and Hearth's Warming Eve, previously the only two episodes I consider having never happened). There's so much to dislike I don't know where to start.

First the good stuff: In the new theme Discord is in Fluttershy's cottage. Well, I never noticed that in the previous episodes, so since it was new to me I'm counting it as a plus. This episode needs all the help it can get and I'm feeling generous.

Now the odd stuff. Stuff that I isn't really Dave's fault, I guess, but stuff that really seemed out of place.

● AJ's voice seemed off for pretty much the entire episode. Did Ashleigh Ball have a cold or something?
● Pony typewriters only have three keys yet they somehow are capable of producing a complete language? Is it like Morse Code?
● In the library Twilight is noticeably taller than Rainbow Dash. Perhaps an alicorn growth spurt? In fact, she's noticeably taller throughout the episode. She looks really weird taller, I don't like it.


Her horn is bigger too. Maybe she got a Swedish made horn enlarger.




And now, the bad. First off, there was absolutely no mention of the keys. I fear the writers will shoe horn them in at the end of the season in yet another rush job. Neither were the glowing eyes from the previous episode mentioned. I'm guessing that was just a throwaway gag.

Why the hay did everypony turn into idiots all of a sudden (except Fluttershy)? They stand there watching as Daring Do gets beat up? Twilight doesn't want to help?

"Sounds to me like we're in way way way over our heads."

You beat Discord. Your argument is invalid. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. is over your heads now. Yes, what Twi said is so absurd that it required seven single letter sentences. Why the fudge didn't she just use her alicorn magic? She could have defeated all the bad guys and retrieved the ring by thinking it, but she didn't.

Daring Do is a real pony, and nopony else knew it? Celestia didn't know about it? It wasn't in any of Twilight's books? Seriously? And she doesn't trust anyone with her secrets, yet she... writes... them... all... down in her books? WHY DO NO POLSKI EPISODES MAKE SENSE WITHIN THE CONTINUITY OF THE SHOW!?

I can't. I just can't keep going. This episode just pissed me off so much. I'm not sure what show I just watched, but  it certainly was not MLP.

20/100.

Princess Twilight Sparkle

A Spoileriffic Reivew

Season four began today with probably the best opener yet, but for all its awesomeness I am also filled with sadness. I am concerned that this may be the final season.

The two parter begins with now Princess Twilight practicing, and sucking at, flying lessons for a "big finish" she is going to be performing at the Summer Sun Celebration. To put Bronies' hearts at ease Twi tells her friends she is uncomfortable with flying and with her new title.

The theme song is different. Twi now has wings, the CMC and some others are there posing for a picture by Photo Finish, and Lulu is with Tia when they see the new picture in Canterlot.

Tia tells Twi that this is the first Summer Sun Celebration where she's not sad because it reminded her of when she had to banish her sister cause now they're back together. If this event happens only once a year then that means it is exactly one year since Lulu returned on the very first episode. Talk about one busy year!*

The beginning of part one is really sad and sweet with sad Twi being comforted by her friends. Twi is making a list and checking it thrice, and Pinkie Pie is being Pinkie Pie. There's a cute scene where Twilight bumps her head on the ceiling when she's worried about forgetting something, and another sad sweet moment where Princess Celestia tells her that she's not her student anymore, but is instead her equal. They grow up so fast.

Unfortunately Tia and Lulu disappear (with a rather worrisome shriek from Tia as she's captured), the sun and the moon are in the sky at the same time (not a big deal on Earth, as it happens all the time, but in pony world (Hippotopia - literally "place of horses" - if you will), when the sun and moon are together half the sky is day and the other half is night (which looked really cool how they blended together). The Royal Guard, with no other royalty to guard, come to Princess Twilight for direction, and she promptly directs them to get lost for the rest of the episode (pretty much).

Back in Ponyville, black weeds (that look poorly animated at times) start strangling everything and spiny thunder clouds are trying to shoot Rainbow Dash out of the sky. Rarity and Sweetie Belle are having trouble controlling their magic (and Sweetie Belle's magic is blue, just like her sister's, not green like it was in "One Bad Apple").

Twi gives everypony the Elements of Harmony and they summon Discord (who is singing "Winter Wrap Up" in the shower) who affirms that he is not behind these disasters, asking "would I lie to you?" To which almost everypony replies "yes," and Fluttershy giving a less sure "um, maybe?" Discord is kinda-sorta grateful that his good friend "Shutterfly" is giving him the benefit of the doubt. He points them to Zecora, who is having to flee her home now that the Everfree Forest is overrun by killer weeds. She gives Twilight a magic colour-changing potion, Twi drinks it, and all of a sudden she can see into the past. Part one ends with Twi witnessing Luna transforming into Nightmare Moon.

Part two begins with a very intense battle between Nightmare Moon and Celestia that was very reminiscent of this Lullaby for a Princess video. The similarities are spooky, really. The battle destroys the old castle and seems to injure Celestia at one point (very intense for MLP). Tia gets the Elements of Harmony and goes god mode to banish Nightmare Moon.

Cue more flashbacks. Twi sees when Tia and Lulu first beat Discord. We get to see which three elements each sister wielded. Judging by the colours:

Tia
Magic
Kindness
Generosity

Lulu
Laughter
Honesty (AJ - "Dependability")
Loyalty (RD - "Authenticity")

This is interesting because, after BronyCon when I outlined my own story about Discord and the EoH, I gave Tia and Lulu practically the same list of elements, with the only difference being Tia obviously had laughter, as she's always joking around, and giving Lulu Generosity because somepony had to get it and the other five were taken. I'm not going to change my story in light of the canon list, or any of the other events that happened in these two episodes.

When Tia and Lulu blast discord with the EoH he seems not to know what they are. However, at the same time, he throws "plunder seeds" on the ground in a plot to steal the elements and trap the sisters! Unless, he knew about the Elements but never thought Tia and Lulu would figure out how to use them. It takes a long time for those seeds to sprout because a great and powerful force is keeping them at bay.

The Elements of Harmony, it is revealed, come from a crystalline entity called the Tree of Harmony, located within the Everfree Forest. Just as I predicted in The Window, the EoH started out together as part of a single being of unimaginable power (though, in the story, I never specified what that being was). That it was a tree is very interesting. Just as the battle with Discord represents the Chaoskampf, where the demiurge or creator god brings about the world from the primordial chaos, the idea of a tree of unlimited power, uniting heaven and earth is a very common theme. The world tree, axis mundi, or kalpataru (a wish-fulfilling tree which is identified with the supreme God) appears in cultures all over the world (and is the supreme entity in the universe of pretty much all my stories, at least since 2006).



Unfortunately, the Tree of Harmony's power is almost gone, and the plunder seeds have begun to grow out of control. They have captured the princesses and are close to fulfilling their purpose of killing the Tree. The Mane Six go looking for it. They have to put the EoH back inside the Tree to recharge its power and restore the balance of the universe.

There's a fight, Twi is convinced to leave, but Discord says some sly remarks and Twi goes back to her friends. Twi almost dies, her friends save her (in a most awesome scene), she puts the Elements back in the Tree, the weeds vanish, and Tia and Lulu are saved. The Tree produces a box that cannot be opened without six keys that are going to be the focus of next week's episode.

Book ends! That great big thing Twilight was going to do at the Summer Sun Celebration? She flies up and makes her cutie mark appear in the sky, sonic rainboom style. Why couldn't she just use her magic? Why did she need to fly at all? Still, it is a very cute ending.

Overall, I would rate this two parter 98/100.





*On the other hand, if Apple Family reunions happen "every hundred moons" and there's been two so far, then eight years have passed already and Tia has just had a memory lapse or something.

OR the writers just make stuff up as they go along.

Season 4 Premiere Trailer

Still the same Twi we've come to know all these years, only a little more of her to go around.

In Defense of Diamond Tiara

I don't understand all the animosity toward Diamond Tiara. She can illmannered at times, but so are all the kids in town. She's caused far less trouble than the CMC, and never once doomed Ponyville with certain destruction like Snips and Snails, and yet she's hated and they are not. What's worse, messing with Apple Bloom or causing a giant monster to rampage through downtown? It seems the vote has been cast for the former. She even praised the CMC multiple times in Ponyville Confidential for all the dirt they dug up for the newspaper, so it seems like she has nothing personal against any of them. It may very well be (and I'm taking a shot in the dark here) that her teasing is an attempt at pushing Apple Bloom to find her talent. After all, diamonds are formed under great pressure.

While there is certainly room for refinement and polishing, that's what growing up is. It's something everyone has to go through. No one (or at least very few people) is born a perfectly amiable member of society, it's something we're supposed to learn while growing up. Civilisation is not innate, it is engineered. Diamond Tiara is no worse than any normal human child. She has great drive and enthusiasm, she just needs some direction and then I expect great things for her future.

Surprise Scootaloo

Another thoroughly adorable video staring Scootaloo.

Beep Beep!

Super cute video with the Cutie Mark Crusaders singing on Scoot's scooter. Be careful, your heart may explode twice.

Thoroughly Analyzing "Equestria Girls"

The latest from Digibrony, a 20 minute piece of pure masterpiece that reminded me of why I loved Equestria Girls so much. Now I love it even more.

Is There a Connection Between Sombra and Luna?

Gasp! An invitation to do a video response? The very thing that put the "you" in "youtube"? I haven't seen one of these in years! Although the feature was officially taken away I recorded this anyway.

Is there a connection between Sombra and Luna? I certainly think there is.

If you can't get through ten minutes of rambling I'll write a transcript over the next few days (I hope).

Scootaloo Uses

A blender.



The first in the series "Scoots' Absolute Bitchin' Rockstar Life: The Trials and Absolute Victories of Best Pony: A Novel". Admit it, you wish your life was half a percent as awesome.

Fluttershy Is Best Pony?

That's certainly what this fan poll seems to indicate.



There was a month long official fan favourite poll and Fluttershy won. While some of us voted for somepony all together, the people have spoken and we won't be bitter about it.



I really like how the Hub made a video that represents the great diversity of the fandom. And Andrea Libman was in it too! Yay! A lot of fans wearing Derpy shirts were there and they didn't get censored! This is just full of fun.

A Canterlot Wedding Part Two

Would changing one small detail fix all the flaws in the episode? If Chrysalis were to impersonate Shining Armor instead of Cadance would the episode make absolute perfect sense?



I'm not so sure.

First, imitating Shining Armor would mean Chrysalis would have to figure out how to imitate his shield spell as well, which it is explicitly stated at 8 minutes in only Shining Armor is able to use the spell. So Chrysalis would have to recreate a totally new, unique, super difficult spell.

Second, Shining Armor is captain of the royal guard. Chrysalis would have to learn all the intricate details and protocol of that position (and there are shedloads of intricate protocol involved in the military) to pull off a successful impersonation or else somepony would notice the fake Shining Armor is acting suspicious and an entire military unit would come down on her. Imitating a princess with no known duties prior to the reappearance of the Crystal Empire is a whole lot easier and a whole lot less risky.

Third, if Chrysalis is impersonating Shining Armor, why even have the shield up at all? When she impersonated Cadance the point was to get Shiny (which he will from thus forth be known as) to let his guard down so her horde could invade Canterlot. If she could get rid of Shiny from the beginning - since she is impersonating him - then why go through all the trouble of learning and maintaining the super unique shield spell? Just have the changelings invade right then and end it.

I know what you're thinking: "she has to maintain the deception until Cadance is depowered."

No, she doesn't. Cadance does not know the shield spell. No pony else does. Just invade and then drain Cadance of her love at your leisure.

"But she has to drain Cadance's love so she can defeat Celestia and/or Luna (who didn't do anything anyway)!"

No, she doesn't. Remember, Chrysalis was just as surprised as we were to discover that she had defeated Celestia in combat. That was never an integral part of her plan to begin with, just an unforeseen benefit.

If, on the other hand, Chrysalis impersonates Cadance then she can manipulate Shiny and take down the royal guard without having to know a thing about Canterlot military hierarchy and procedure, and she has the added protection of being thought of as the untouchable niece of the god-empress of all the world rather than just some general who could be court martialed for erratic behaviour.

Changing the story around may make up for some deficits, but it creates a host of new ones that, I think, make the story weaker than the canon version.

Equestria Girls Live Action Video

Yes, there is a nearly two minute live action music video for the upcoming Hub premier for Equestria Girls. Not that live action, with people. Now, I'm not a big consumer of the youngsters dancing genera, but this wasn't bad. It certainly was not "teh wurst thing evar!!!!1" Seriously, a lot of people in the brony community need to quit the drama shit. Hasbro still has a target demographic that it is, aah, targeting, and it ain't us so settle down. We lose what little credibility we have when we overreact to every little thing.

 Enjoy (or don't).

Is Fluttershy Funemployed?

Someponys' professions are obvious: Applejack is a farmer on the family owned farm Sweet Apple Acres, Pinkie Pie is an apprentice baker at Sugarcube Corner, Rarity is an entrepreneur, she owns and operates the Carousel Boutique where she designes and manufactures her own clothing. Twilight Sparkle is not employed, per se, but is the personal protégée of the god-empress Princess Celestia, and as such is living off a royal stipend. She comes from Canterlot, her brother is the Captain of the Royal Guard, and she was raised by royalty, so it is safe to say that her family is very wealthy and she has no financial concerns.

Rainbow Dash is a bit harder to place. She longs to be a Wonderbolt stunt performer, and has take steps toward that end, as seen in "Wonderbolt Academy" (though the ending was ambiguous as to whether RD is still in training as nothing more has been said in any subsequent episodes!). Her day job appears to be weatherpony for Ponyville; a job she does not seem to relish in the least as she is most often seen practicing her stunts, goofing off, or sleeping.

Fluttershy is the odd pony out. I can't seem to figure out what her profession is, and if I sent some Spartans to ask she would run and hide.



Fluttershy obviously has money. We've seen her paying inflated rates for goods at the market in "Putting Your Hoof Down." She has a whole huge menagerie to take care of, and even if animal feed were very cheap the vast quantities she would have to buy would still demand a healthy sum. And it is those animals who demand the bulk of her time and attention. She not only feeds, and houses, and cares for the hundreds of animals that she lives with, she also helps wild animals too, like that bear with the shoulder problem and the beavers who were arguing with Applejack.



Wild animals don't have money, and it seems doubtful she gets paid to have a whole lot of pets (if a welfare system existed in Equestria then Applejack wouldn't have to work so hard to pay for Granny Smith's hip surgery, her old age medical benefit would). The little time Fluttershy has that is not spent taking care of her animals is spent with her friends going on crazy adventures she would rather sit out. To date (as far as I can tell) we have never seen Fluttershy perform any job for money, leaving me to wonder how she is able to support herself financially.

It is true that she has had a few one off jobs, such as conducting a bird chorus for state events such as the Summer Sun Celebration and the wedding between Cadance and Shining Armor, but even if she did perform at these events for money how long would that sustain her? She was also a successful fashion model once (a job she hated), but only for a short time. We can't expect her earnings from that job to last forever, and she clearly was living quite comfortably before that, so she has to have some other form of income. The question remains, what is it? If Fluttershy does have a job we will have to wait for some future episode to find out.

The Window

At BronyCon this year I attended the Conversion Bureau panel on a whim and was so inspired that I wrote three pages of notes for my own story right there. The story is still in the works, but here is the cover that will go with it.



How does Discord get the Elements of Harmony, what happens when he gets them, how is he finally defeated? I don't know the answers to any of those questions yet.

A Canterlot Wedding

This episode of My Little Critiques with BronyCurious is absolute genius. I loved every minute of it, especially the end.

The Original Equestria Girls

This is back from when the original Equestria Girls promo video aired on the Hub in May 2011.

If you're not prepared you may explode twice! If you are prepared you definitely will!


Bronies finally get recognition!

This aired on The Hub (the television network Hasbro owns) on 28 May! It was very exciting seeing this video released officially on television.

100 Things I Learned From My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

The original from The Urban Mystic. The most popular post by far. This was written between seasons one and two. A lot has changed since then, so much of this list is out of date.

(In no particular order)

1. Friendship is magic
2. Brushing apples isn't nearly as fun as brushing ponies
3. Rainbow Dash is living the dream
4. Ponies are sexually dimorphic: females have round faces and males have square faces
5. REAL men wear gowns (from a prostate commercial of all places!)
6. *twitch-a-twitch --> something BAD happens
7. You WILL love Fluttershy or you will regret it
8. Dragon eggs can't hatch without unicorn magic
9. What's with the tin can?
10. Stick a cupcake in your eye
11. Doughnuts are the equivalent of alcohol (at least for dragons)
12. Pegasi have cute little chicken wings
13. Celestia's hair blows about even in the absence of wind
14. Rarity doesn't know she's naked
15. Forest animals can't clean their own homes in spring, ponies have to do it for them
16. Bears like to go to the beach but no one can agree on what they do when they get there
17. Pinkie Pie is the only one in her family without drab colours
18. Doctors in Equestria do hip replacements
19. Hitler didn't like ponies
20. The population of Equestria is vegetarian, so the population of wild animals is kept in control through some other means
21. Ponies celebrate several as yet unidentified winter holidays
22. I watch it for the plot!

















23. Celestia toys come in pink and sometimes blue but never white for some reason
24. You shouldn't hit books, you should read them
25. Gilda has to watch you like a hawk because she can't watch you like a griffon
26. Cheerilee was in fewer episodes than a lot of characters yet she still got her own toy at McDonalds
27. Believe it or not, Fluttershy was quite shy as a child
28. Rocks can't just be found in the ground like on Earth, they have to be farmed
29. Pinkie Pie never did get her sasparilla
30. Applejack has an accent even though she lives within walking distance of everyone else
31. Applejack loses her accent when she sings
32. Boots are worn on all four feet but slippers are only worn on the front two
33. Pinkie Pie barely teeters on the edge of sanity
34. Applejack is a terrible liar (Pinkie Pie can tell when she's lying but not anyone else)
35. Rainbow Dash can clear the skies over Ponyville in ten seconds flat and is the only known pony to create a sonic rainboom but she still can't escape Pinkie Pie
36. A single bathtub can contain all the water in Ponyville for seven hours without anyone finding out where the water has gone
37. Pinkie Pie's hair changes depending on her mood
38. Grown men and little girls have more in common than is socially acceptable to admit
39. If there was a contest for the best singer in Equestria Twilight Sparkle would win hands down
40. Whoever played the guitar for the Cutie Mark Crusaders should go pro
41. Pinkie Pie is not affected by gravity or distance
42. Scootaloo is the cutest
43. The groundskeeper at the Grand Galloping Gala doesn't have a cutie mark despite being very old. He must not have any special talent
44. Celestia and Luna DIDN'T lez out to create Twilight Sparkle after all
45. The Grand Galloping Gala blows and Celestia knew it yet she still invited Twilight Sparkle, her loyal student, to crush her dreams and call it a lesson
46. Celestia created a glaringly sub-optimal world where the inhabitants must literally change the seasons, possibly because she enjoys watching ponies toil miserably and attack each other every time the seasons have to be changed (at least until Twilight came along and took control of the situation)
47. Equestria has seasons and bird migration, so we can assume it has distinct hemispheres
48. Ponyville is in the northern hemisphere as birds migrate south for the winter
49. Seasons in Equestria happen in reverse of seasons on Earth
50.












51. Losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend forever!
52. Gold is used for money but jewels are eaten by dragons
53. The "Cupcakes" fanfic isn't nearly as gross or horrible as people make it out to be, although the author was trying way to hard to make it out to be, and the story doesn't make sense in light of Pinkie Pie's admission that all ponies are vegetarian.
54. Gummy has no teeth, and since alligators regrow lost teeth that means Gummy is either a mutant or Pinkie Pie is constantly pulling out all his teeth
55. FOREVER!!!!!
56. Cows are intelligent creatures that are none-the-less exploited for their milk
57. Rarity's fashion logo is actually pretty creepy
58. Fluttershy is a year older than Pinkie Pie
59. Fluttershy is off limits to pranks
60. And then I said "Oatmeal? Are you crazy?"
61. Though Fluttershy's stare can put even horrible monsters in their place the animals at the Grand Galloping Gala still run away from her
62. Either Granny Pie taught Pinkie to laugh at scary things after the sonic rainboom incident or she's very different from other members of her family
63. Canterlot has a back entrance (the front is a sheer cliff)
64. Prince Blueblood is said to be Princess Celestia's nephew, so he is either Princess Luna's son or Celestia has other siblings that were never introduced
65. If he is Luna's son that means he's over 1000 years old or was born sometime while she was trapped inside the moon and he was let out for some reason, and that ponies can have children of different species, somehow
66. Neither Celestia or Luna aged at all in the past 1000 years, yet Luna is noticably younger, meaning she must be younger by several tens of thousands or even millions of years
67. Assuming Celestia and Luna created Equestria together (since they "created harmony" together with their sun and moon raising), Celestia had to wait a long time before doing anything (according to # 66)
68. Since both sisters are different ages they couldn't have existed forever, so something or somepony must have brought them into existence
69. Celestia needs the Elements of Harmony to defeat her sister, so even though she's older she's the weaker of the two
70. It needs to be about 20% cooler
71. Twilight Sparkle never gets a turn
72. Pillow fights are fun!
73. FOREVER!!!!!
74. Spike is right handed
75. Pony language is written and read left to right and includes such symbols (letters?) as a horseshoe, star, unicorn head, clockwise spiral, and lightning bolt
76. Ponyville uses both the imperial and metric systems
77. Twilight Sparkle's balloon in the opening song appears nowhere else
78. All the ponies in this town are crazy!
79. Short tails are in this season
80. It was under "E"
81. Newborn dragons suck their tails even though the sucking reflex is a mammalian trait
82. Hot sauce bottles are poorly labeled
83. Many of the tools in Equestria are clearly designed for use by humanoid hands despite none of the inhabitants possessing such features
84. The Ponyville library, where Twilight Sparkle lives, surprisingly has few books yet all the furnishings one would find in a home; also, no one is ever seen going there to use the library as a library, only to visit Twilight
85. Pony names often match their personality/talent/cutie mark, meaning ponies are either named presciently or naming a pony has a deterministic effect on their future development (this brings up interesting consequences with such ponies as Granny Smith, who would be called "granny" even as a little filly!)
86. It wasn't nearly that cold at the top of the mountain after all
87. Equestria is sometimes a country
88. The Apple family either has a high percentage of twins or someone got lazy when drawing the crowd scene (the blue ponies with the yellow manes are triplets, two are wearing the same green scarf, and at least two other ponies have the exact same cutie mark!)
89. The Great and Powerful Trixie is a tragic pony who is homeless and had to live in a cart that she had to drag around herself, which is now destroyed, and even though she was just hiding behind a jerkass facade because she's sad and alone no one in Ponyville cut her any slack, except Twilight Sparkle, when she did nothing worse than Rainbow Dash (who has her friends to reign her in, Trixie has no one), and certainly nowhere near as bad as Gilda, yet Gilda got a Pinkie Pie party whereas Trixie only got derision and the obsequious fawning of mindless sycophants who got her into serious trouble through no fault of her own
90. Haters gonna hate
91. Pinkie Pie eats like a black hole
92. Princess Celestia may have created Equestria, but she doesn't know what parasprites are
93. The introduction of horses was actually the single greatest benefit to the lives of the Plains Indians
94. Fluttershy is literally afraid of her own shadow
95. Good Lord, Fluttershy repeats
96. If Rainbow Dash were a human she would be willing to do some freaky things
97. Pinkie Pie sometimes doesn't understand what she is doing or why she is doing it
98. It's a bad idea to encourage Sweetie Belle to sing, especially at bed time
99. Whatever you do, DO NOT FEED THE PARASPRITES!
100. Since there is no official Trixie figure I will have to carve, sand, paint, and sand again Twilight Sparkle to look like Trixie

Pinkie Pie inspired the most things on this list, 19, and Twilight Sparkle inspired the second most, 12.

The Return of Harmony Part 2 (of 3)

Another repost. I want to collect all the old stuff here first so it's not scattered on two different sites.


Not really, but it should have been. As a five part series finale this could have been the most awesome thing ever, but as a two part season premier, not so much. One hour of material was crammed into 22 minutes of show and with predictable results. The most powerful villain in the world was defeated in a deus ex machina way and turned back into stone as if that were the default setting of the Elements of Harmony.

Luna didn't appear (although Derpy was in the crowd at Canterlot). She was banished for 1000 years, but that wasn't punishment enough, so she was banished for the rest of Season One and the start of Season Two - the most siginficant event in the history of Equestria. Some ponies can't catch a break. She and Celestia just sat by and did nothing while Discord was on the loose? They could have at least helped (in a way other than returning Twi's letters).

If Twi could use her magic to undo Discord's negative effects on her friends why didn't she do so in the beginning? It would have been better if they had to overcome their changes with at least some struggle, if not two additional episodes worth. Part one seemed to be building up for something that never happened.

Now that the Mane 6 defeated Discord who would ever oppose them? They've only saved the very fabric of reality, they should be heaped with praise, their every whim delivered. You want everything for free for the rest of your life? No problem, you only saved reality. How could they possibly get repaid? I'm actually disappointed by this turn of events. Where do you possibly go from here?

The whole Cutie Mark Crusaders subplot was never resolved. It was just dropped like one of Discord's many non sequiturs. Were they there to demonstrait something? Were they there to serve as foreshadowing? Did their petty arguing actually free Discord? The world may never know.

This episode tried to be the greatest thing ever but was left wanting.

That's not to say this episode was bad, merely rushed. I would have to give this episode a comparatively low rating of 9.0 (out of 10.0). Not bad, like Over a Barrel, but not fantastic like Suited for Success or The Cutie Mark Chronicles.

Some very good parts of this episode include:

*Derpy was there, although she wasn't derping
*EVERYTHING about Discord
*Mean Fluttershy standing up to mean Pinkie Pie (at least somepony did it)
*Twi's balloon is back!
*When Discord fills the glass with chocolate milk he fills it from the top down, then drinks the glass and throws the glass-shaped milk away! And it blows up!
*The way Discord sits on his throne (see top picture)
*Twi handing out all the EoH necklaces and when she comes to her own she calls it a "big crown thing"
*Spike is the new Rainbow Dash
*Applejack eating apple cores and they get more complete with every bite
*When the Mane 6 originally attacked Discord with the EoH he puts a bullseye on his chest
*When they attack Discord the second time he says "friend me"
*Discord saying to Twi "Maybe the magic of friendship can help you."

The Return of Harmony

Yay! Another repost from The Urban Mystic. I'll write something better on The Return of Harmony later.



Today was the long awaited premier of season two of FiM, and we got to meet the awesome villain Discord and learn that Equestria follows the same basic rules as most creation myths.

If we recall #69 on the list: Celestia needs the Elements of Harmony to defeat her sister, so even though she's older she's the weaker of the two.

From this we can know the following: (101.) Since both Celestia and Luna together needed the Elements of Harmony to defeat Discord, that makes Discord the de facto most powerful being ever introduced on the show. Not only did he precede the sisters as ruler of the world, he also held that position since deep antiquity and is possibly the oldest being yet introduced.

Next is the issue of the Elements of Harmony themselves. Who or what created them, or have they always existed?

The story presented in today's episode is one with a great deal of staying power. The world exists from an infinite past in chaos; out of the chaos are born the gods, the gods do battle with a great dragon, slay it, and then build the world from its remains. A lot of ancient myths follow this pattern with only slight variation (the Babylonian story of creation with Marduk fighting Tiamat follows it directly; the Greek Theogony details how the gods came from the premordial chaos: Kronos defeated his father Uranus, bringing about a golden age like when Celestia and Luna ruled together, then he overstepped his bounds and Zeus defeated him, like when Luna became Nightmare Moon and had to be defeated by her sister). This chaoskampf (conflict with chaos) appears throughout a very large number of the world's creation stories (including the Bible where, in Job, God tells Job how he fought Behemoth and Leviathan at the time of creation, trapped them, and how they will be destroyed in the eschaton, like how Discord was fought and trapped in stone, though we don't know if there was ever the intent on destroying him at the end of time), and plays out rather nicely in The Return of Harmony.

My only problem with this episode is that it is only a two-parter. I could stand to watch a separate episode dealing with how Discord affects each of the mane six. He is insanely powerful and insanely cool and I don't think two episodes do him much justice.

Twilight Sparkle and The Crystal Heart Spell Review

A review of the book Twilight Sparkle and The Crystal Heart Spell.

The Night That Lasted Forever: Terrifying Consequences

I was reading "The Black Cloud" by Fred Hoyle when I got to thinking about Nightmare Moon's plan to eliminate the sun.

Now, in the My Little Pony universe the sun is not some astronomical object out there in space, it is something manipulated by magic. This means that there is not a night side and day side to the planet. [1] This is very important, as will become evident later.

Had Nightmare Moon succeeded in her plan, this "night that will last forever" would completely devastate the entire planet, rendering it uninhabitable to all but a tiny few creatures (assuming they exist) whose lives are not impacted by the sun's existence or lack thereof. Moreover, this horrible fate, the end of all pony kind, would happen in a much quicker timespan than might be imagined by the casual viewer. Allow me to explain with a little timeline.

First, it is important to note that this "forever night" [2] would be very different from an ordinary night. During the night the land surface cools down. This process is mitigated by the effects of the atmosphere. If there are clouds then less heat can escape and the land cools slower. On Earth there is always some point on the surface where it is day time, so part of the atmosphere is always warm, creating convection currents and preventing the entire atmosphere from cooling off. This is why the artic and antarctic never get too cold during their long, sunless winters, because warm air from the lower latitudes circulates, keeping the poles warmer than they would otherwise be. If the entire output of the sun was eliminated somehow (see note 1), then this saving effect of the atmosphere would no longer exist.

It is impossible to make accurate calculations without knowing the size of  pony planet, but we can make some reasonable guesses.

A body the size of the Earth facing an endless night would rapidly begin to cool off. Immediately photosynthesis would stop, and small plants would begin to die as they used up their sugar supplies.

Within a week the surface temperature of the whole planet would reach freezing. The oceans, a considerable heat reservoir, would remain warm for a quite some time.

One month after sun and most plants have died or been eaten. Herbivoirs would not survive much longer. Ponies (being the equivalent of humans) do not seem to be capable of harnessing geothermal power, or operate submarines, as they seem to have 19th century equivalent technology (steam power). They would be able to burn wood, and possibly coal, for warmth, and live off of grain reserves (say a year's worth), but things would get very difficult very quickly. Many ponies would die early on, leaving the harty survivers to a long, cold, dark, lonley fate. The surface temperature would be arctic cold everywhere. Coastal waters would begin to freeze, but the opean ocean would remain liquid.

Six months after sun and the surface temperature is as cold as it ever gets on Earth, −80 °C (−112 °F). Only a few straggling scavangers will survive. If it can't live in Antarctica it can't live on pony planet any longer. Creatures would not only need adaptation to extreme cold, they would need adaptation to darkness. [3] The last of the ponies has probably died. The water in trees has frozen solid and the only surviving plant life is a few frozen seeds. Even the open ocean is frozen on the surface. Most sea life within the first 2 kilometers has died due to starvation. Deep ocean life continues to survive off of detritus falling from the surface.

One year after sun and the only things left alive are either immortal (Luna as Nightmare Moon, Celestia who has been captured, and statue Discord), or lives far below the surface. The deep oceans, warmed by geothermal activity [4] and insulated by over a kilometer of ice, will remain habitable to deep vent communities (tube worms, shrimp, etc., if they exist on pony planet), and bacteria slowly metabolising the rock near the mantle (if they exist [5]).

After that is wild guessing. Even the longest lived seeds would die after a few tens of thousands of year (maybe sooner, if they can't survive the cold). Global glaciations have lasted for tens of millions of years without freezing the oceans solid (although, the sun still existed). In the total absence of the sun, it would still be tens of thousands of years before the oceans froze solid. The only life would remain deep under ground, where the rock was still warm. The surface temperature would be the same as that of the Moon during night time, −238 °C (−477 °F). The atmosphere would have frozen long ago. [6] If pony planet is like Earth, geological activity will end when the outer core solidifies, a process which will take 2 billion years. Subterranian bacteria will have died long before this event, having used up all available water in the rocks. The entire planet will be dead, and all because a princess got butthurt because her subjects couldn't stay awake 24 hours straight.




Notes

 1. As far as we can tell - unless Celestia does not "raise the sun" but "rotates the planet," which would have the same subjective effect. For purpose of this exercise I am assuming that Celestia actually raises the sun, meaning that when it is night time the entire planet is covered in darkness, and when it is day time the entire planet is covered in light.

It is possible that Nightmare Moon could blot out the sun by putting something between it and pony planet, like the Black Cloud. That object would need to intercept and absorb or divert all incident sunlight, and not in any way warm up, or there would come a time, eventually, where it would get so hot as to become as effective a radiant heat source as the sun itself. Either way, the effect would be the same, and the means of how Nightmare Moon eliminates the sun is unimportant.

2. "Forever Knight" was a TV series about a vampire police officer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPhIEG3JYtg

3. Vitamin D must be created through exposure to sunlight or ingesting something that had created it through sunlight. NONE of the latter survive. Life would entail a constant struggle to acquire this nutrient.

4. Volcanoes do exist, as has been seen on the show. The only question remains if dragons are the only creatures that live in volcanoes or if there are Earth-equivalent lifeforms like tube worms.

5. Ponies can get sick, so assumably there are many different kinds of bacteria.

6. If the pony atmosphere is mostly nitrogen, it would have frozen solid at −210 °C (−346 °F). Offgassing from volcanoes would still release carbon dioxide, which would also freeze, producing dry ice snow. Since volcanic activity won't stop for millions of years the atmosphere would consist of carbon dioxide waiting to freeze and trace gasses like helium.